I’m starting to appreciate the color blue again. I am cross processing photos to make them blue. Now, I am writing about the color. I used to love blue and green back in elementary, but now, I love white. Then, blue knocked on my door, wanting me to have him back. Blue is a cool color. It reminds me of the tranquility of the sea. It makes me remember the chillness of the early morning. It makes me wanna cuddle with my pillow. Actually, it gives me the same effect the rain gives. Blue is becoming a color that affects me. I don’t know why.

All of a sudden, I became sad. I don’t know if this is just an excuse because I am tired of working or certain turn of events made me nostalgic. My exgirlfriend and I are not in good terms because, after a fight long ago, we have become apart just when we are becoming friends. Sure, one time we’d be good, but it won’t be permanent. My then-close friend is now close to someone else. The things that we used to do together are the same things that they do now. I am completely out of the picture. I am confused with this special friend of mine due to constraints that do not allow us to bond more, aside from the fact that the person is still trapped in the past. I meet new people, but it is either they are intimidated of me for reasons that I don’t know about or they are not interested because I am just this guy who doesn’t even have good looks. I fall for people who will never notice me. All I usually wanted is this special kind of friendship, but I fail to get even that. My closeness to people seems to spoil overnight just when I wanted it to last long. People change rapidly. One moment, they enjoy talking to me; next minute, they are gone. I don’t really wanna force myself to people’s lives anymore because it has been pretty tiring, but I end up doing it anyway. And I don’t know if anyone is even going to read this post. Now who’s gonna love me?

Hello. Remember those days when I used to write these long posts that get nowhere, these posts that only makes you tired of reading that you just scroll past just by the look of it? Here’s one again. Well, I hope I could make it that long again. I wanna say a few things, by “few” I mean as few as I could say, which could be not your way of seeing things as few. I miss a lot of things and people. I am random again now, mind you. When I was a child, I have lots of Pokemon and Digimon little toys. I would make up stories about them. I don’t know if it was a good sign or if my little made-up stories back to days of yore was the reason for my being much of a blabbermouth by paper now. My mom and I went to Makati today to talk to people from Globe about my line. Things were rough. Things are rough. So up to now I would have to suffer about my line not having the boosters that I wanted. It will end up with more bills to pay. You see kids, don’t get too much excites about graduating. After graduating college, allowances are so over. It would not be so hard to find a job that will suffice for all your needs and wants. If you are some rich kid who is not even required to work after college, congratulations. But then, if you are just like me, young and given responsibilities that are hard to carry, you have to work hard and be paid little. It is that tough. You will soon pay your own bills, and you plan for your future. Don’t get too excited because when you are already working, you would like to go back. So here’s the thing and I am saying it here because not everybody would read this anyway. I’m studying this semester somewhere in Laguna. I have been accepted and I guess I will be able to provide money for tuition fee. I hope that this plan would make something better out of me because I wanna move forward. Also, I’d be job hunting somewhere nearby. My mom is not totally agreeing with this plan, but she says that it’s up to me. She still supports me despite my plans of having another payable while I can’t even stay put without going and eating here and there. So I am thinking that I should minimize my hangouts. I am excited to go back to school, really. It would be hard, but I am excited for this. I miss a lot of people. I miss persons A, B, and C. I am happy now. I should be. I am blessed with people who love me and with the people I love. I should be happy. I hope I am happy now. Please listen to “Roots Before Branches.” Like this, I will promote your blog. Nah, I’m just kidding. I love you all. This is crazy because I am just saying things to make this longer, but I know I will fail. OK I’m going now. Happy blogging and let’s go back to our own lives.

So we had a gig earlier. When I say gig, I mean we performed somewhere. As you may already now, I am part of this cultural dance group. We performed for Miss Earth-Philippines candidates, and we don’t have a single photo. You see, we were told of the performance just yesterday afternoon, and my mom borrowed my cam before that. My mentor was expecting me to bring my cam, but if I told my mom that I can’t lend it to her, she might not allow me to join the performance. So I didn’t risk it. Forgive me because I don’t have any photo of me wearing my barong beside some pretty candidates to accompany and support this post. I missed performing because cultural dances have always been close to my heart. Also, I wish Ms. Manaoag would win Ms. Earth because she’s pretty, smart, and has a passion for our country’s culture. I noticed her watching attentively during the show. Anyway, this post has been too personal, and probably, I shouldn’t care. Thank you for reading this. If you have actually read this, I would thank you personally, i.e., via Tumblr ask, tomorrow. I am on my way home now. Good thing my brother picked me up here in Tagaytay. Tagaytay, by the way, is just beside our humble town of Amadeo. Crap. I think something’s wrong with our ride. I hope we arrive home safe. This weekend has been a blast. I hope you had fun, too. I am typing via phone. Forgive me for grammar lapses, misspelled words, and the like. I love you.

I’m flooding rants tonight and sorry for that. I don’t know. I’m really sorry. It’s pretty hard to be mad and not mad and the same time. It’s hard and weird. Oh, I know, I think I’ll go to the loop instead. For those who don’t know that, it’s a place where time is still. The place is just one day from the calendar and it’s that one day everyday. Things will happen again and again except to those who are peculiar enough to create continuous experience out of a day that happens over and over again. OK I know no one understands me. I just hate my day and I am still confused. Please bear with me. Thank you.

Remember how we used to be really close some time in the past? Remember how we play around and laugh over everything that we could think of? Remember how we used to talk all day about practically everything? Remember those days of yore when we were even talking via different media all at the same time? I smile every time I remember them. I smile and sigh.

I know very well and have accepted the fact that those days are long gone. It is but a nature of life that someone else has to play the role we used to take. Not forever can one have the lead role. Someday, the person will get old or choke on a performance. Someday, s/he will cause a scene and will be condemned because of it. Or maybe, someday, people will just get bored and will ask for someone new. An understudy or maybe a newbie will come and will take the role that you’ve been playing. Someone will take away the role you wanted to play all your life. And then, you’re tossed aside; you’re gone.

We have to accept that we can’t stay in one role forever. Well, actually we can, as long as all parties would like it. The chances, however, are slim.

I miss the days. I miss the past, but then, to have it back is an impossibility. Nothing, they say, is impossible. I guess this one is. I could still hope, though. Or I could just be happy for everyone, even if happiness doesn’t include me in the party.

Goodbye, spotlight. You belong to someone else now.

This one post is so going to be heavy, so if you wanna know things, this is one blog post to read, that is, if you are ready to endure the randomness that would have to come along. I am always like that; I’ve always wanted to hide my emotions with anything random. That way, the pain would be a little easy to feel. So we had our annual physical examination this afternoon. There are two things that I fear about medical checkups: 1) the painful taking of blood samples and 2) the moment of taking off your pants so the doctor could check your balls. In my case, the doctor offered the option of not checking my balls and buttcrack anymore. I said yes, but I suddenly got curious because I might be having an illness without me knowing and just avoiding the awkwardness, so I asked the doctor to check me out. It went well, I guess, that first time. The aforementioned statement were written three days ago, and know, I am sooo back to continue talking without anyone caring and without caring about anyone. I went to Subic for this one-day vacation stint. It was fun especially because I went there with Mommy and little Brando. Going with them somewhere really far is in my bucket list. Out of many, I was able to complete three of them so far, i.e., that, getting a new phone, and joining a photowalk. Right now, I think of starting anew. I wanted to maintain my blog to become something people would rather appreciate. I wanted to draw literature from what I say. I am getting tired of making posts that don’t make complete sense. I don’t know. I wish I could blog better. I probably will. This weekend’s our town fiesta. Last night, there was a robbery at my dorm. There’s this guy who pretended that he was a new boarded. He came around 5PM and asked our landlord if he could pay that evening. Our kind landlord said it was OK, so he was given keys and mattress in our room. My roommate went for a shower, and after that, his phone and wallet are gone with the guy. He still has the room key, so I was really worried last night. Good thing he didn’t make a second attack. I would like to express my hate to Ivy Lynn. Sorry for being such a fanboy. I have to work now. I miss people. I wish that they would miss me, too. Please talk to me if you reached this part. I am at work, but I could really use someone to talk to about just anything. I need BBM contacts, too. And I want some french fries. OK this things are not helping me become a better blogger. I’m stopping this.

Just last night, we were having a great time because it was Mom’s birthday, and now, everybody’s shouting here. My brothers went out last night to drink with friends. They came home at 3am, and one of them should be awake by 5am for work. My mom is waking him up as of the moment, getting mad about all the drinking and forgetting of the responsibilities. I can’t take it, although this things have to happen. I also can’t imagine my brother’s headache right now. He shouldn’t go to work in such a condition, but I think Mom’s giving him a lesson. It always happens; one time everybody’s very happy, then just after all the joy, everybody’s fighting. I hope that, the next time I come home, no one will be arguing, although I fully understand my mom’s point this time. Too much no-one-is-asking information.

Lately, I have been being told of the lessons I have never learned, which kinda sucks. After a long time of posting one-liners as a scapegoat to not express the right emotions to the right people, along with short posts that only give people something but not give it completely, I am back with this hell of a post where you hear me talk about things that are practically not worth the time and effort. For one, I am extremely sad, and if you don’t want your happy day with butterflies and rainbows on the backdrop be ruined with pain and drama, I advise you to scroll past this and instead be fooled by how life is like happily flying along the clouds with your own Pegasus. I have problems with how to keep a relationship without delving into it too much that there isn’t life to live anymore. I don’t like to hate my being responsible for my family because I really like to help them, but sometimes, responsibilities like that tend to stand in the way of finding the happiness that everybody deserves, everybody including me. As much as I want to control my relationships with other people, no matter the degree, it is not for me to decide. Relationships are the connections we make with other people, and they should also have their say in this matter. For now, all I wish for is friendship. Having a special someone is not my priority now, but if someone comes (or if someone chooses to stay instead), I want us to have fun and enjoy our moment. That has always been what I envision as of the moment. I like enjoying conversations and hangouts without having to worry about each other’s sensitivity issues. I like doing things together without being asked to do them out of responsibility. You enjoy the connection and not the label. You enjoy the company and not the title. You enjoy the memories and not the must-do’s. You enjoy the feeling and not the responsibility. At this moment, that’s one ideal relationship. And then, we will grow past early adulthood knowing a lot about each other. We wouldn’t know if it’s gonna be us in the end until we get there. We will leave our families in stable lives and will get to focus on our own, finding each other together again, this time ready for the next move. That is how things work for people like us, for people who aren’t blessed with the riches where others bathe in. This is how priorities should be set. For me, the picture seems perfect, only it won’t be happening anymore. 

Apparently, I wasn’t able to join the photowalk at the Aliwan Festival, which made me feel bad because I missed all the joyous colors and the food from all over the Philippines. I went to the CCP last night and had a taste of some, but I wanted more.
My mom asked me to go home really early today because there’s this family event that we will be attending. I was sort of a photographer during my cousin’s 7th birthday, although they hired a photographer and videographer to cover the whole of it. My cousins would ask me to take photos of them. I was never included in any of the photos. I had a photo with the Woody mascot, though.
I’m more comfortable to be in the photo than to be the one taking it. I sort of suck at photography, really. I am not good looking, but you see, I still prefer to be in the photo. I really hope I could learn more about using my camera properly. Darn. Someone teach me please without having to intimidate me.
This is just random. Please add 296F3809. Or please text me. Or please just stay with me and never let me go. Excuse typos and grammar lapses.

Hello. I haven’t been online on Tumblr for the longest time. I only post stuff via phone, and I don’t even get to see how my posts went. Tumblring via phone sucks. So here, I am posting this without even getting to see who would reply. This is just some random post, mind you. You will not get anything here, so just find something else to read. However, if you would still like to continue treading this path toward unbearable lack of sense, continue at your own risk. If there are grammar lapses, excuse me because I am so not gonna read this over again because this is getting hard to manipulate. I am spending the night with high school classmates, and this is getting more fun. To those who have sent and will be sending me messages, I will get back to you tomorrow, I guess. I just bummed out during the long weekend. I watched a few movies and spent the days eating and lying down and eating again. Others are off to resorts and hotels, and I am stuck in Amadeo. It was just fine, though. It was so nice to just lie down under the trees that dance along the breeze. OK I am saying things that are not required for me to say. I wish you did have a great easter. I am so out of here. Don’t forget me, alright?

I am again trapped in this mixture of emotions today. For one, I miss writing. I miss doing this. I miss writing the way I did back in college. Back then, my words were more powerful; they can even stand on their own with such conviction that no one can beat (or maybe I was just believing way too much in myself). Screw that. I actually wrote more on the creative play-with-whatever-words-you-have side back then, escaping from the things and issues that I know nothing about. Right now, my writing stinks that, even if you bury it six feet under, you would still smell it. I lack practice. You see, blogging is writing what you want. There are no restrictions as to the writing style. Journalistic writing is more than just writing what you want to write. I am stuck in this career where it’s all about grammar and style and nothing more. And hey, this is my usual random post. I went to Barbara’s last night, and I enjoyed the cultural show more than the food. Folklorico Dance Company performed the same dances that we perform, and we even have the same routine. They were really great performers. People are resigning nowadays here in the company. I’m getting tired hearing stories about it because I know I won’t be resigning just yet. However, I think I would make next school year something to look forward to, that is, if plans would happen and if odds would be on my favor. I can’t wait to go back home to Amadeo again and spend the vacation there. A few days of more rest would be fun. My Globe plan is really confusing. Here’s the thing, I have been texting for a week without minding anything because the agent told us that it was unlimited, only to find out that it’s not. I am very excited for my bill to come. I am hungry and I wished I didn’t ignore the food last night. Right now, I have this feeling of wanting to escape. Again. Just last night, I told Mako that escaping will only get him nowhere, and here I am, wanting exactly the same thing. It has always been like that, people are the first violators of exactly what they advise. It is obvious that I am just trying to talk things out to make this longer. I want the effect that just seeing this makes you just skip the whole thing. That way, in case I would tell you something not everybody should know, not everybody will. That is how I hide things. That is how I hide my emotions. You see, if, just in the title, you would say that this post is about my usual drama, everybody will again be irritated and will just skip the post. In this way where I am talking and talking and then subliminally inculcating into your minds how I hate things, seeing my post will only make you skip it, but you will not be irritated because you wouldn’t even know what I am talking about. Darn. What the hell am I saying? I am a lunatic, don’t you know that? My life has been completely weird because I don’t even know myself and I don’t know where to go. I am hungry now, but my workmates haven’t arrived just yet. I wish that I could be able to discipline myself so that I will not go astray. I wish that I could change myself for the better. I wish that you would help me with that. 

Supposedly, I would be writing this really hard-hitting post about the essentials of our society. But then, for one, I had to go now. I don’t really know when I am coming back. Maybe, I would take this weekend off and think things over. Also, I lose the drive to write something that could wake people up and end up writing for myself instead. This would really be quick I guess. This is one of my five-minute trying-to-make-sense posts, and I know I won’t succeed in actually putting sense in this. I am going out tonight despite my lack of budget. I had to agree on my workmate because they always agree when I am the one who makes random decisions and hangouts. I feel apologetic because I tend to say things that are not supposed to be said. Sorry for that. I think that I would be having a really good weekend. I am going home again to Amadeo.  Also, remember that time when I told you that I would be changing my digits? It is so going to happen during the weekend even though I don’t really like to because people tend to get confused with mobile numbers changed over and over again. How I wish Globe need not to request for fees if we had to change numbers! So there. I am serious about the maturity thing. I will not act like I’m mature but I will try to be a better person with a better understanding about things and occurrences in life. Life is a pool of unexpected phenomena. We get one surprisingly and do what we think is best about it. Again, we learn in the process. Learning does not happen in one click though. It has to happen at the right time. When you force yourself to learn, you only end up making even more mistakes. By the way, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire will be accompanying me over the weekend. I hope Count Olaf would leave us alone this time. Of course, he wouldn’t until he gets my, I mean, the Baudelaire fortune.  I told you, I have this curse of saying things that are not supposed to be said. I wish people well. I wish the best for all of you. I wish that we see the point in our every decision and action. If we do it right, hurrah! If we don’t, we learn from it. That is the basic process. My apologies to the word learn because I have abused it today. I am leaving now, remembering the past days not with pain but with a challenge that never will I feel bad about it ever again. 

For one, the Hunger Games movie is just perfect. There might be a little changes, but the plot has been strictly followed. I am not well today. I don’t know. I am not  trying to be dramatic over again or anything, but I confuse my feeling with the truth. I don’t know how to feel towards some people. I don’t know. At one point, I think that I was just enticed by certain turn of events. At another, I think that this confusion means something. I don’t really like to entertain this emotion because I don’t really need this at this point of my life, but I think that it’s here. This has been a different encounter, and the feeling that comes along made it different. I am afraid to get hurt. I don’t wanna be hurt again just because I know that there is no use feeding this feeling. However, I think that it feed itself because it makes me confused even more. I shouldn’t even try, for I know that all the efforts will not pay off. I should kill this. I really don’t know what to think of now. I know that I will not be wanted because I’m just me and this world is so big that one person will be enjoying the company of many people, making some of those forgettable that easy. This world is cruel, yes. This is a new feeling. I don’t know how to handle this. I don’t wanna sound pathetic or dramatic. Yes, I better kill this while it’s young. And oh, I have a long file today and productivity didn’t pay a visit. I better move on. 

For one, the title is completely irrelevant. I watched My Kontrabida Girl yesterday. I enjoyed Rhian Ramos’ acting because she was a natural antagonist and socialite. I enjoyed Aljur Abrenica’s acting as well because he was a natural, well, you have to watch the movie to see for yourself. I just don’t get the obvious intention to make Aljur topless most of the time or why they have to capture that in slow motion. Also, I didn’t like the inappropriate cut of scenes. It was like I expected the conversation to still continue or that the character should have been given a few seconds to have his/her moment, only to be awkwardly cut. There were also conversations that are completely a mess.

[Joyce (Bea Benene) figures out that Isabel (Rhian) was actualy fooling and using  them. Joyce goes to Chris (Aljur) to tell about it.]

Chris: Babayaran ko ang utang kay Mr. Sy para mabawi ang lupa (or something like that).

Joyce: Pero kuya, deadline na ngayon ‘di ba? (or something like that).

Chris: Oo pero babayaran ko siya (or something like that).

Joyce: Tingin ko niloloko tayo ni Isabel (or something like that).

Chris: (Change topic agad?)

Plus they played around the names of the characters, e.g., Joyce and Chris Bernal, which is not actually funny. Plus, while Aljur’s character was not able to finish studies and he was explicitly shown to be this person who can’t speak and understand English, some people around him would talk to him in English, and he kinda understood them. Great. Consistent.

Anyway, the point of this post is not to rant about the movie, which I just did, or about any movie for that matter. I just wanna be random again, although the truth is that I just wanna post more texts just so the photos that I have flooded you with last night would go deeper into my blog. There was an advance screening of Mirror, Mirror last night. I badly wanted to watch but they told me that the screening was sort of invitational. Just great. I also wanna watch Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, but it isn’t showing anymore. I would have to watch it on DVD. I pledged to make myself busy by watching DVDs this week, but I wasn’t able to comply with it. The week is almost over. My overtime hours are not yet approved and today is the last day for the cutoff. Great, I wouldn’t have much budget for the next 15 days. I hope they would be approved before the day ends, although I don’t expect much anymore. I don’t wanna tell more about it because I don’t wanna get suspended or terminated. Hunger Games is becoming more of a hype. I just wish that the people who are craving for it have also read the books because that’s when they will understand the whole story. On the other hand, its being mainstream is really something to thank for because that is the assurance that they will be also filming the next books. How about this One Direction thing? I have been seeing them all over the dashboard. Should I listen to them or am I better off without the said experience? As it may already be obvious to you, I am just saying these things to make this post longer. And just now, I feel like giving up. Yup, I give up.